Does Your Child Show You Respect?

It cannot  be denied that it is harder to parent these days because of the influence of the media. Children watch a lot more television, are exposed to various YouTube videos, games and music videos that often show the exact opposite of the values we would like them to imbibe. They are regularly exposed to extreme confrontation, foul language, violence, disrespect, hatred and a lot more. Even though some of those videos are just meant to be funny, children can’t help but imitate them or unconsciously develop the same ways. We can only do as much to keep them away from these things but what we can do is to instill in them good values as early as possible. Given that parents are also a lot busier these days, that can be a challenge. There will be days, a lot of days when you will be too tired to correct them and will be tempted to just let it go but you must fight that. Extra effort must be exerted in order to monitor the children and establish a consistent level of discipline. The sooner they learn and live good values, the better.

Respect is first and foremost. Since most parents tend to give in to a baby’s every whim and fancy, they think that they will always be able to wrap them around their cute, little fingers and have their way. Therefore, parents must be mindful in setting boundaries when it comes to giving in to their kids’ wants. By doing so, they learn that they will not always have their way and that mommy and daddy have the last say. Ultimately, what they decide on must be respected and followed.

As always, consider looking at things from their perspective when you reason our with them. This way, it will be easier for them to grasp the concept and obey. After all, even for adults, it is pretty hard to follow rules and regulations when you do not understand them right? Take into consideration their personalities as well; this will be helpful when dealing with them. Each child is different and must be dealt with appropriately.

Here are a few tips on how to develop respect in children:

1. Remember, you are the parent. While it is good to “friends” with your children, it is equally important that you, and your children, do not forget that you are still the parent. Do not let them treat you the way they treat their friends, set boundaries. Otherwise, they will treat every other adult the same way.
2. Catch disrespect early and plan ahead if you can. Always be aware of your children’s manners and behaviours. If you catch them behaving rudely or showing disrespect, point it out immediately by saying “That was not a very nice thing to do”. or “That is not the proper way to talk to someone.” If there are other people around, take time aside and quietly talk to them about it, never ignore it because then they will think that what they did or said is ok. It usually helps when you ask them how they would feel if they were treated or spoken to the same way. Give consequences as you see  fit, this usually stresses the importance of the issue.
3. Get on the same page as your co-parent. It cannot be stressed enough that it is very important to be consistent when parenting. One cannot be strict and have the other parent be lenient because there will be no progress. Take the time to discuss your game plan thoroughly. Talk about how you want to handle common situations, agree and commit to it. Prepare a list of consequences that you both see appropriate should the situation call for it.
4. Teach your child basic social interaction skills. Be strict about basic manners such as greeting people, saying “please”, “excuse me” and “thank you” or even “sorry”. It may sound simple, but empathy is something that a lot of children these days seem to lack or forget. Insist that you always say these, as it shows respect.
5. Be respectful when you correct your child. When you catch your child being rude or disrespectful, mind your manners when you talk to them about it. Don’t reprimand them, instead talk to them calmly and explain what they did wrong and how they should have acted. When you scold them, they often just sit through it without learning anything from it. If you need time to calm down, let them know that it is not the right time to talk about it and let them know that it will definitely not be forgotten and that you will discuss it soon. “I am quite upset right now, so it is better if we talk about this after dinner.”
6. Try to set realistic behavioural expectations for your kids. Think about your children’s personalities when setting expectations. If you must, talk to them before going to a party, for example. Let them know who will be there and remind them that they should be respectful not just towards the hosts, but every single person at the party. Explain what that means exactly and if they do, acknowledge it by saying something like “I am so proud of how well behaved you were today.”

You may think some parents have it easy, but really, parenting is really hard work. You may think that some parents are lucky to have such well behaved, respectful children. However, you do not see those children 24/7; you have no idea if they are actually like that round the clock. Do not compare yourselves and do not get discouraged. Do the best you can and be consistent, soon enough your children will no longer have to be reminded to be respectful.